I've been asked why I've called my blog "Into the ground". I called it such because it's how seeds are planted and where all life eventually goes at the end of the life cycle. We are all in between those two points at the moment working to make sense of it all. If we are lucky during at least one period of time in our lives we find ourselves at a point of convergence where all is possible. Everything from the past is gone and the future is wide open. I've found peace in Udaipur by living and breathing that moment, taking great comfort in knowing that my new destined path can present itself unobstructed and clear when everything else has been striped away. It hasn't been easy.
Letting go of the job, the house, the stuff, the country, the alcohol, the plans, the flights, etc. are only a small part of it. The attitude, the expectations, the desires, the ego, the attachments... we all know that those are really the hard parts. Being an engineer I'm always trying to find the formula for this. Getting rid of objects is pretty straight-forward: it's binary so either a "1" or a "0". The mind doesn't quite work that way, letting go of subtleties is a matter of replacement. The only way to succeed is to find something that is better then the thing the person is trying to shed. Meditation is a process of emptying of the mind, replacing the thoughts with space. If a person empties their mind then the mind can be filled again with better thoughts, ideas, feelings etc. This requires faith, a person has to believe that there is something better. They have to be willing to let go of the old thought patterns. As I say this I feel like I'm just repeating what is writing in every yoga book, in every religious text, in every 12 step program and in every feel good movie script... all this letting go might be true but if someone doesn't know how to apply this they are just empty words that will be forgotten when the pushes comes, those little demons that trips each one of us.
At the risk of alarming my entourage I have to admit that I've wanted to punch every person that has ever told me to "just let go". When a person is in the demon's grip it isn't the right time to let go, it's the time to look the demon in the face and maybe cry and scream till your face hurts. No two people are alike in this world nor are two demons the same. We may be able to relate to and share each others joys and pains to a great extent but we all face our personal struggles as individuals. Willingness and belief are certainly musts in the journey to evolve and heal but first make friends with the demons, understand them, stay right there with them, make them coffee, listen to every message they give you about you. They are there to teach us something about life, something about ourselves, challenge us to grow. Trying to ignore them or "just letting them go" in my experience will make them come back in a fury. We call these struggles demons, not cotton balls.
I've seen all my demons in India, they've liked it here, they've all come out to play. They have been given free reign to come out because it seems that every experience I've had here has pushed at least one of my limits to their very edge. The most common phrase in India is "anything is possible" which I now understand can be interpreted as "there are no limits to how uncomfortable and/or risky an adventure can get". You get to choose the extent of what you do here and you better damn well know what you can or can't live with because you risk being either severely miserable or you miss out on incredible opportunities to explore yourself at the deepest levels.
On my journey to the East the demons have been scarier then ever for they have shown themselves in full light at those limit edges however they also seem smaller and more manageable against India's backdrop of poverty, dangers, filth and its orderly disorder. The demons also pale against India's color and warmth which is full of brilliance and abundance. In other words: you get twisted up about something and you look around and find yourself asking "is this really the biggest problem I have?". On the other hand the smallest of things matter more here as well, the Hindu shop keepers either charge 1 roupie more or 1 roupie less (2 cents) on their first sale of the day simply for good luck. All seems to have been valid enough to think about and explore and with all the free time in the world, I've been filling my boots. Everything both ugly and wonderful inside has gotten pulled out and spread flat right in front of me. Being pushed to my limits on every aspect of my being made it so I could no longer ignore how I feel about these aspects. I think this is why so many people that come to India find something special.
I think that perhaps in this blog (and maybe even in the last one) I'm sounding rather cryptic. I say a lot of words but I'm not exactly describing the latest demons, events or people that have been shaping these thoughts and feelings in me. I'm starting to face the end of my trip and I'm still processing a lot. There are a whole lot of specific events in Udaipur that have happened that have spurred all the crazy talk... stay tuned!
On that note thank you for reading my blog while I have been in India, I've been saying for years that I want to attempt my hand at the written word for others to read and this has gave me a little taste of it :)
Letting go of the job, the house, the stuff, the country, the alcohol, the plans, the flights, etc. are only a small part of it. The attitude, the expectations, the desires, the ego, the attachments... we all know that those are really the hard parts. Being an engineer I'm always trying to find the formula for this. Getting rid of objects is pretty straight-forward: it's binary so either a "1" or a "0". The mind doesn't quite work that way, letting go of subtleties is a matter of replacement. The only way to succeed is to find something that is better then the thing the person is trying to shed. Meditation is a process of emptying of the mind, replacing the thoughts with space. If a person empties their mind then the mind can be filled again with better thoughts, ideas, feelings etc. This requires faith, a person has to believe that there is something better. They have to be willing to let go of the old thought patterns. As I say this I feel like I'm just repeating what is writing in every yoga book, in every religious text, in every 12 step program and in every feel good movie script... all this letting go might be true but if someone doesn't know how to apply this they are just empty words that will be forgotten when the pushes comes, those little demons that trips each one of us.
At the risk of alarming my entourage I have to admit that I've wanted to punch every person that has ever told me to "just let go". When a person is in the demon's grip it isn't the right time to let go, it's the time to look the demon in the face and maybe cry and scream till your face hurts. No two people are alike in this world nor are two demons the same. We may be able to relate to and share each others joys and pains to a great extent but we all face our personal struggles as individuals. Willingness and belief are certainly musts in the journey to evolve and heal but first make friends with the demons, understand them, stay right there with them, make them coffee, listen to every message they give you about you. They are there to teach us something about life, something about ourselves, challenge us to grow. Trying to ignore them or "just letting them go" in my experience will make them come back in a fury. We call these struggles demons, not cotton balls.
I've seen all my demons in India, they've liked it here, they've all come out to play. They have been given free reign to come out because it seems that every experience I've had here has pushed at least one of my limits to their very edge. The most common phrase in India is "anything is possible" which I now understand can be interpreted as "there are no limits to how uncomfortable and/or risky an adventure can get". You get to choose the extent of what you do here and you better damn well know what you can or can't live with because you risk being either severely miserable or you miss out on incredible opportunities to explore yourself at the deepest levels.
On my journey to the East the demons have been scarier then ever for they have shown themselves in full light at those limit edges however they also seem smaller and more manageable against India's backdrop of poverty, dangers, filth and its orderly disorder. The demons also pale against India's color and warmth which is full of brilliance and abundance. In other words: you get twisted up about something and you look around and find yourself asking "is this really the biggest problem I have?". On the other hand the smallest of things matter more here as well, the Hindu shop keepers either charge 1 roupie more or 1 roupie less (2 cents) on their first sale of the day simply for good luck. All seems to have been valid enough to think about and explore and with all the free time in the world, I've been filling my boots. Everything both ugly and wonderful inside has gotten pulled out and spread flat right in front of me. Being pushed to my limits on every aspect of my being made it so I could no longer ignore how I feel about these aspects. I think this is why so many people that come to India find something special.
I think that perhaps in this blog (and maybe even in the last one) I'm sounding rather cryptic. I say a lot of words but I'm not exactly describing the latest demons, events or people that have been shaping these thoughts and feelings in me. I'm starting to face the end of my trip and I'm still processing a lot. There are a whole lot of specific events in Udaipur that have happened that have spurred all the crazy talk... stay tuned!
On that note thank you for reading my blog while I have been in India, I've been saying for years that I want to attempt my hand at the written word for others to read and this has gave me a little taste of it :)
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