I thought the "growing" part was over after the ashram. I thought I was home free for a while. I thought I would come to Goa, lay on the beach, have some adventures, make my way back to Delhi, then home and then Phase 3: getting ready for Africa.... but not so. I've decided that Africa is being put off, I woke up one morning vowing to never drink again and I've decided to attempt staying in India longer so I can do a full out personalize Ayurvedic cleanse (called panchakarma) for rheumatoid arthritis of 28 days. I figured that the last one didn't screw me up enough to screw me back completely straight physically so here I go again. Nothing laid back about these decisions.
Perhaps it's the quietness of Aganda Beach, Goa where I ended up that is stirring my mind, perhaps is just the Indian phenomenon on us enlightenment seakers... come to India as an emotionally (and/or physically) constipated Westerner, leave a flowing, detached, easier-going, cured, tanned, regular, spiritually open being with funny/smelly clothes/shoes. Plans have a tendency to take a life of their own and change in very interesting ways. I'm not even trying. I quit trying to figure out how this phenomenon works when I got sick after the first cleanse. For example I'm here in Goa to a slow pace and tons of time to ponder because it was the only idea that came to mind after the ashram. I've got to go somewhere after Goa so I'm going for a panchakarma in Kerala because, again, it's the only idea I've got. I could go to Northern Goa to get drunk and do drugs with the slew of 20 something foreigners that come this time of year but I'm passing on that, so south to Kerala it is. Originally I was aiming to just go to an ashram for a few days but since Africa is no longer on the radar of the very near future why not do 28 days of detoxing which is the usual treatment time for RA. Maybe I'll be cured, it happens.
I should give some credit for thinking up panchakarma (ok, most of it) to 2 of my teachers in Rishikesh, Bhakti and Prem (aka Erik and Robin) both from the foreign province of Alberta. It just so happens that they were, along with family and friends, at Aganda Beach for the last week. It was nice to have friends around by the way. Bhakti suggested it with lots of encoragement and well, I think it's a great idea so I took it.
So what happened to Africa? Well it's kind of sad but it's not a lost cause yet, things might simply be pushed out a few months to the next session. I do believe in the work that is being done so please keep in mind that there is 2 sides to every story and at the moment I can only tell you mine. The issue is that I still have not gotten assigned on a project/country in the promised time frame once again. This has happened over and over since May from the NGO in question and from the sounds of the last communication last week the decision is still at square... let's say 2. I'll give them square 2 but my confidence in them has unfortunately took a plunged and today I let them know over email where I stand. I'm not going to make any assumptions about the program or the people running them, I'm going to conclude that it is not my time to go to Africa just yet and that my journey in India is not meant to be over in Jan. This was not an easy decision. It took me 8 days of back and forth before it became clear to me that I should not be feeling so much confusion about embarking on something that is suppose to be the opportunity of a lifetime. It will sort itself out when the time is right.
So what happened to the drinking? The short term affects of alcohol wormed itself into a dark little hole inside my spirit the very first time I took a swig as an adolescence and has made itself a little too comfortable in that hole ever since. I don't fit in any definition given of an alcoholic (I've checked) but I've felt its wrath the morning after it got hold of me the previous night a few too many times. I'm done with it. My spirit will never be completely free with alcohol as part of my life because it automatically takes up just a little too much importance on the evenings where a little beer/wine fix seems socially appropriate. I sat there on my little beach house porch one morning (and no, I had not drank the night before) and it dawned on me: if I ever had any deeply negative reaction to the idea of never drinking again then I should never drink again because it is in fact holding onto me. I have had those reactions so bah-bye. It too can lie in the cemetery of my yoga let-gos. That one I did NOT see coming.
You'd think that sitting in the hot sun and doing nothing but eating Indian food all day would produce much simpler decisions: the pink or blue sarong today? Bleh.
I'm at Aganda beach for 7 more days then on Jan 5th I leave for Trivandrum on the train and then either to Nayyer Dam or Kallikkad by car (both being tiny little villages next to each other), I'm waiting on some information from one of the doctor I've contacted before deciding which place I will go to.
My more immediate plan is to pick up a bunch of trashing novels before my mind decides to become an ascetic ;)
Perhaps it's the quietness of Aganda Beach, Goa where I ended up that is stirring my mind, perhaps is just the Indian phenomenon on us enlightenment seakers... come to India as an emotionally (and/or physically) constipated Westerner, leave a flowing, detached, easier-going, cured, tanned, regular, spiritually open being with funny/smelly clothes/shoes. Plans have a tendency to take a life of their own and change in very interesting ways. I'm not even trying. I quit trying to figure out how this phenomenon works when I got sick after the first cleanse. For example I'm here in Goa to a slow pace and tons of time to ponder because it was the only idea that came to mind after the ashram. I've got to go somewhere after Goa so I'm going for a panchakarma in Kerala because, again, it's the only idea I've got. I could go to Northern Goa to get drunk and do drugs with the slew of 20 something foreigners that come this time of year but I'm passing on that, so south to Kerala it is. Originally I was aiming to just go to an ashram for a few days but since Africa is no longer on the radar of the very near future why not do 28 days of detoxing which is the usual treatment time for RA. Maybe I'll be cured, it happens.
I should give some credit for thinking up panchakarma (ok, most of it) to 2 of my teachers in Rishikesh, Bhakti and Prem (aka Erik and Robin) both from the foreign province of Alberta. It just so happens that they were, along with family and friends, at Aganda Beach for the last week. It was nice to have friends around by the way. Bhakti suggested it with lots of encoragement and well, I think it's a great idea so I took it.
So what happened to Africa? Well it's kind of sad but it's not a lost cause yet, things might simply be pushed out a few months to the next session. I do believe in the work that is being done so please keep in mind that there is 2 sides to every story and at the moment I can only tell you mine. The issue is that I still have not gotten assigned on a project/country in the promised time frame once again. This has happened over and over since May from the NGO in question and from the sounds of the last communication last week the decision is still at square... let's say 2. I'll give them square 2 but my confidence in them has unfortunately took a plunged and today I let them know over email where I stand. I'm not going to make any assumptions about the program or the people running them, I'm going to conclude that it is not my time to go to Africa just yet and that my journey in India is not meant to be over in Jan. This was not an easy decision. It took me 8 days of back and forth before it became clear to me that I should not be feeling so much confusion about embarking on something that is suppose to be the opportunity of a lifetime. It will sort itself out when the time is right.
So what happened to the drinking? The short term affects of alcohol wormed itself into a dark little hole inside my spirit the very first time I took a swig as an adolescence and has made itself a little too comfortable in that hole ever since. I don't fit in any definition given of an alcoholic (I've checked) but I've felt its wrath the morning after it got hold of me the previous night a few too many times. I'm done with it. My spirit will never be completely free with alcohol as part of my life because it automatically takes up just a little too much importance on the evenings where a little beer/wine fix seems socially appropriate. I sat there on my little beach house porch one morning (and no, I had not drank the night before) and it dawned on me: if I ever had any deeply negative reaction to the idea of never drinking again then I should never drink again because it is in fact holding onto me. I have had those reactions so bah-bye. It too can lie in the cemetery of my yoga let-gos. That one I did NOT see coming.
You'd think that sitting in the hot sun and doing nothing but eating Indian food all day would produce much simpler decisions: the pink or blue sarong today? Bleh.
I'm at Aganda beach for 7 more days then on Jan 5th I leave for Trivandrum on the train and then either to Nayyer Dam or Kallikkad by car (both being tiny little villages next to each other), I'm waiting on some information from one of the doctor I've contacted before deciding which place I will go to.
My more immediate plan is to pick up a bunch of trashing novels before my mind decides to become an ascetic ;)
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